INT. TOFU’S ROOM - DAY
TOFU, a small cartoon boy with blue hair, is sitting on a bookshelf with a crocheted Snoopy. He has no body, just a head. TOFU is playing make-believe.
TOFU: Hi, Snoopy.
TOFU (AS SNOOPY, VOICE A TOUCH HIGHER): Incoherent conversational garble
TOFU: Mhm, yes, mhm.
A crocheted Woodstock sits silently on the shelf below.
TOFU: Whats that, Woodstock? I’ll be right over.
TOFU attempts to roll over, but his hair - solid, immovable, blue spikes - gets in the way. He strains, blinks, and remains rolled over.
CUT TO BLACK.
SUPER: TOFU IN THE LAND OF NOD
Survey items in TOFU’s room: A spiky green plant, Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, sharpened pencil tops, a toothbrush.
TOFU (V.O.): My hair has been described as being like the tines of a fork, the quills of a hedgehog, b-bristly.
TOFU sits on the desk. The desk is big and he is small. He blinks.
TOFU: Sorry. Bristly. Bristly like a toothbrush.
TOFU sits in a mug.
TOFU: It makes me very sad to think of myself as a hedgehog or a fork or a toothbrush. I am just a boy trying to get places, meet people and see the world.
TOFU is on the desk, spinning himself around.
TOFU: Whee! Whee! Whee!
His shrieks are cut short. He sits atop a framed photo of Grover from Sesame Street. Beneath the photo and on the desk is a Samuel Adams pint glass.
TOFU (AS GROVER, VOICE A TOUCH HIGHER): Incoherent conversational garble
TOFU: Yes, Grover, they should absolutely unionize. (pause). Yes, no of course. (pause). What’s that Samuel? I’ll be right over.
TOFU attempts to roll over, but his hair gets in the way. He strains, blinks, and remains rolled over. Cut to Samuel Adams’ silent face.
CUT TO BLACK.
SUPER: THE END
The credits roll.
TOFU (V.O.): Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and -
Author’s note on formatting: I’ve taken liberties with the standard screenplay format to account for markdown quirks and for the sake of readability. I looked into Fountain, a markup language for screenwriting, but my blog currently relies on quarto and can only render .qmd files. Alas! Hope the format I landed on was readable!